Leaving Ground Zero

It has been a little over two months since the day we left Squamish, B.C. and Relationship Ground Zero. We drove for several hours that day, entered the U.S. and spent the night in a Washington State Rest Area. After taking bathroom breaks, Porter watched me cry a whole bunch and licked some tears off my face, then we got into our separate beds; his on the passenger seat. Shortly thereafter, or at some point that night, Porter started puking. Not in the mood to get out of my warm sleeping bag to clean up fresh puke in a cold Van, I left it until the morning. It was February in Washington State so his throw-up froze overnight and, after scraping it up in the morning, we drove South towards our ultimate destination: Who-Knows-The-Fuck-Where.

Now, looking back on that day since we left Squamish, how much has changed? Still processing what the fuck happened. Still hurting and crying; maybe less so. Still disbelieving and bewildered; maybe less so. Still afraid of everything lost; maybe less so. Still playing music I need that makes me cry; when Tupac makes you cry you’re going through some stuff. There’s a new Ontario Drivers License and Ontario License Plates. British Columbia M.S.P has been cancelled, after having two separate civil servants ask if she moved to Ontario with us. No matter how good, the current Instagram pictures of Porter are relatively boring. There are numerous differences, I suppose. Namely, that we’re back where I was 6+ years ago. Porter doesn’t seem to care about the changes but I’m sure he senses we’re not setting down roots, for he is my constant shadow making sure I don’t leave without him.

Spending time with family and friends has helped us since we arrived in Brampton. Or perhaps it is just the time lapse from Ground Zero that has helped. The tears are not as heart wrenching anymore, and there have even been times I thought there were no tears left; but that could just be a safety mechanism. One benefit of crying hard is that it’s very tiring; those nights bring easy sleep.